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Post by JUDE KENNEDY on Jun 28, 2009 12:03:20 GMT -8
#@! FMYLIFE [/color][/font] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
today, my new job required me to clean up my boss' pool. i spent an hour and a half fishing out a used condom. that's the most action i've seen all month.
-anonymous condom collector [/center] |
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Post by JUDE KENNEDY on Jun 28, 2009 23:51:27 GMT -8
#@! FMYLIFE [/color][/font] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
every time i want to tell the love of my life how i feel about her, she calls me by my nickname. my nickname is a girls' name. that she made up.
-in the friend zone for life [/center] |
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Post by BROOKLYN DAVIS on Jun 29, 2009 0:17:39 GMT -8
#@! FMYLIFE [/color][/font] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
tonight, i went home with a man i'd met at a club with the obvious intention of having sex. back at his place and ready to start, he confessed he'd never seen a woman's tits before, so i showed him mine. at the sight of them, he fainted.
-not into sexing the unconscious [/center] |
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Post by ROMAN ISLE on Jul 5, 2009 14:58:18 GMT -8
#@! FMYLIFE [/color][/font] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
today, i was introduced to my boss' wife. i didn't recognize her with her clothes on.
-fucked with the wrong pediatrician [/center] |
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Post by ROMAN ISLE on Jul 19, 2009 17:15:18 GMT -8
#@! FMYLIFE [/color][/font] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
today, i realized i've slept with a lot of women. and my one encounter with the crazy one who threw tomatoes at my car is THE ONE that i haven't slept with.
-can't get it right [/center] |
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Post by CASSIUS LEAR on Jul 24, 2009 11:56:04 GMT -8
#@! FMYLIFE [/color][/font] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
today, i picked up an economy sized box of condoms for a friend. i'm a virgin; i had to ask for help because i didn't know what section they were in.
-punk priest [/center] |
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Post by ALEXIS COOPER on Aug 12, 2009 1:05:34 GMT -8
#@! FMYLIFE [/color][/font] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Today, while showering, my 4 year old daughter, Hannah, came into the bathroom and put on all my makeup. Once I got out of the shower, I grabbed my camera and took some really cute pictures to add to Facebook. I didn't realize until I read the comments later, that you could see my reflection in the mirror- completely naked.
-has a love-hate relationship with mirrors [/center] |
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Post by ALEXIS COOPER on Aug 13, 2009 23:53:12 GMT -8
#@! FMYLIFE [/color][/font] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Today, I got a call from Hannah's preschool teacher. She was concerned that since Hannah was telling the whole class that she "loves daiquiris", that I had been giving alcohol to my four year old. I explained that what she meant was that she loves our dog, Daiquiri. But it was too late. Half the kids in the class had already mentioned it to their parents. I'm glad I wasn't planning on joining PTA.
-is believed to have an alcoholic preschooler [/center] |
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